


Security, Part 1

by levi_james



Series: Trans!Blaine Verse [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Dysphoria, FTM, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, Sex, Trans!Blaine, Transgender, ftm!Blaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 16:40:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10416492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/levi_james/pseuds/levi_james
Summary: Blaine wants to, but dysphoria always wins.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: In this universe, Blaine is transgender (female to male). He and Kurt have been together for a few months.
> 
> Warning for body dysphoria as a transgender individual and internalized transphobia. If you are triggered by this, you may not want to read it. Your safety is most important!
> 
> Thanks for reading, I don't own Glee. I wrote this at 2 am while I was half-asleep, so please excuse any mistakes.
> 
> Takes place about a year after The Stranger.

Blaine wanted this. He really did. Even with the voices in his head telling him what they thought of it.  
He felt his pants slowly getting slipped down, and put his hand over Kurt's. "I- I don't know."

"Honey. We talked about this," Kurt said, voice patient. Blaine looked up at him and saw his eyes glowing with arousal, excitement. "Whatever you want. Whatever you need, baby. Your pace."

Something in Blaine perked up at Kurt's sincerity, Kurt's hunger. It was something that Blaine tried to forget about most of the time. It was tingling, drawing attention. The feeling was accompanied shortly after by a wave of ambivalent disgust.

Objectively, this was amazing: Kurt's body covering his, so safe and warm, his legs bracing Blaine's hips, his fingers playing softly on Blaine's skin, the whisper of possibility and promise that flowed through Blaine's body with every rise of Kurt's chest in time with his own breathing.

Blaine's betraying body responded again to Kurt's wandering lips. He stifled a wince, shuddering with wrongness.

"Blaine," Kurt said, shifting to support himself on his hands. Blaine whined, the sex-aware side of him winning out momentarily. Kurt looked amused. "Honey, I know how hard this is for you." Blaine could see his own pain reflected in his boyfriend's eyes. Kurt felt it too.

"I just-" Blaine managed. He didn't really know what else to say.

The two had had a talk about this, before they did more than cuddling and kissing. Blaine had already explained how wrong he felt, how the feeling carried with him even when he could feel Kurt hard against his leg, even when Kurt kissed his face and whispered just what he wants to do to him. It was so hard to hold onto the feeling when the part that is supposed to bring him pleasure was screaming at him about how disgusting he was, how wrong this was.

Kurt, thankfully, had understood with little questions. He could relate to the feeling of a discrepancy between head and heart.

Blaine took a deep breath, trying to articulate the thoughts that were so hard to put together. "It feels so wrong, Kurt. I want to be close to you, to make you feel good, but the thoughts- they just won't stop."

"All I need right now is you, baby. Try to stay in the moment. You're here with me. Just us." Kurt knew Blaine's brain loved to slip into a safer place when things got rough. Blaine could see it in his eyes, he really did understand.

TBC

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is just part 1, more parts coming soon.  
> I am a trans guy myself, and a lot of this is my own experience.  
> If you want to talk to me about trans things, feel free to contact me: My tumblr is [here](http://needtofeelanything.tumblr.com/) and my writing blog is [here](http://writingandsilliness.tumblr.com//).  
> Please direct your general trans-related questions to Google or another source dedicated to educating cisgender people!  
> I love you!


End file.
